Dancing with I Don't Know

I, Linda, promise, that wherever I am, no matter what, for the sake of all beings, in my presence, life will show as a courageous and compassionate dance with “I don’t know.”


The first time I spoke those words it was 2006. I was in my first year of the Applied Healing Arts master’s degree program at Tai Sophia Institute. There were only a few minutes left in the weekend during which we had been exploring our calling and commitment in the world. Our teachers, Dianne Connelly and Susan Duggan, asked each of us to stand up and state our promise – a short sentence that describes what gifts the world receives because we are here.

The attributes courage and compassion came to me early in the weekend and I knew that I wanted my presence in the world to be as fluid and graceful as a dance. Yet, the harder I tried, the less able I was to see with whom I was dancing.

I was one of the last of the group to stand. In a strong voice, I repeated the beginning of the phrase, “I, Linda, promise, that wherever I am, no matter what, for the sake of all beings, in my presence, life will show as a courageous and compassionate dance with…” And I stopped. I stomped by feet and clenched my fist and, in frustration, shouted “I don’t know!” Everyone cheered and clapped --- my promise had been revealed.

Looking back, I see that I was first introduced to my promise by the nuns and priests who taught me from the Baltimore catechism in the 1960s. I memorized and recited answers to the big questions: “Who made the world?” “What is God?” “Does God know all things?” If any of us asked for an explanation more tangible than what the catechism offered, our teachers told us, firmly and finally, “It’s a mystery.”

This answer became less satisfying when I discovered Nancy Drew. Like the fictional girl sleuth, I was determined to use ingenuity and persistence to solve life’s mysteries. Throughout grade school, into high school and all through college I was rewarded with A’s for knowing answers. When I transitioned to the work world, I earned promotions and bonuses for problem solving. “I don’t know” was a phrase I rarely used. And when I did, I always added, “But I’ll find out!”

When I found my way to Tai Sophia and the Applied Healing Arts program, I was reintroduced to mystery. There were no right answers. There weren’t even any grades! Instead, the lessons came by observing my experiences and paying attention to my reactions to them.

As an Applied Healing Arts student, I was introduced to philosophies grounded in ancient wisdom traditions. I experienced how we are all interconnected and how our words create our world. I was shocked and delighted to discover that we live in stories that we create and that upset is optional. These principles and related practices became my life preservers as I learned to sail more skillfully through the seas of daily life. Instead of living my life as if it is a race toward some elusive goal, I now live more fully engaged with what is happening here and now.

The Applied Healing Arts program appeals to people who are interested in health and wellness without necessarily wanting to use acupuncture needles, herbs or other types of hands on healing tools. Just as painters are artists who use colors and shapes to create works of art, Applied Healing Arts students are life artists. We create healing environments by cultivating self-awareness and by being a healing presence at work, at home and out in the community.

I used to think that the purpose of going to school was to absorb information and feed it back for a grade. I now appreciate that it is through asking questions – and sitting with unanswered questions - that I truly learn. From the perspective of “I don’t know” I can be still and let my intuition inform my next step. The humility of “I don’t know” invites others to offer their opinions as we explore new solutions together.

From the freedom of “I don’t know” I created a vision that I might never have imagined if I had stuck to more familiar ways of thinking and acting. Early in the Applied Healing Arts program, each student looks into the future and imagines something that does not yet exist, something that, if it existed, would reduce unnecessary suffering and promote healing on all levels. My vision emerged as a headline that reads:

American Medical Association reports that language overtakes medical interventions in its power to enhance health and well being.

My stomach flutters when I imagine the steps that need to be taken before the New York Times prints that headline. Instead of being overwhelmed by the task ahead of me, I see that I have already taken one step toward making that vision a reality by creating a workshop that introduces healthcare workers, business people, parents and anyone in relationship with others to the Applied Healing Arts practices that have changed my life. I also breathe more easily when I remember that, as I take the next step, then the next, I do not do the work for myself and I do not do the work by myself.

People who know that I have a master’s degree in Applied Healing Arts often ask, “Where will this degree lead you?” I answer, “I don’t know.” What I do know is that, as a lifelong learner, I have the courage and compassion to more gracefully dance with the questions life offers up. I am a beginner, perpetually in practice.

NOTE: The Applied Healing Arts master’s degree program has a new name. Students who began the program in 2010 will graduate with a degree in Transformational Leadership and Social Change. Learn more at http://www.tai.edu/.

Photo: Shy Ballerina by Nate Kay.