“Why?”
My shoulders tense and my stomach flutters when I hear that one-word question.
Why? Because, when someone asks me this question, I feel compelled to know something or to explain myself.
“Why?” triggers the fight-or-flight syndrome and I have the urge to defend my position or to deflect a criticism.
“Why?” puts people on the spot.
“Why do like wine better than beer?”
I just do.
“Why do you write?”
Because I must.
"Why did you paint your house that color?"
None of your business.
Is there a way to find out what motivates people, what excites them, what makes them tick without erecting walls of defensiveness?
One answer: Be a journalist. Reporters rarely asks “Why?” To get a good story, they look for the who, how, what, where and when. These are curious questions. They probe into the people, methods, purpose, place and time of a situation, an issue or an event.
“Why?” probes for a cause or digs for a reason that may be too personal to explain.
I admit that “Why?” does get the neurons firing.
“Why you go to church?” or "Why don't you go to church?"
"Why are you a Republican?" (or a Democrat, or a Libertarian, or ...)
Now those are REALLY none of your business!
“Why?” can be a circular question, to which the only answer is another “Why?”
“Why did you take a ‘working’ vacation?”
Why not?
“What did you do on vacation?
“Who did you meet?”
“What did you learn?”
“How did you spend your days?”
These questions invite me to show and tell. They signal that the questioner wants to learn something about what is important to me.
There is one “why” question I can answer with ease: “Why are questions better than answers?”
No matter how they begin, questions are humble. They encourage curiosity and promote interaction. Research in the fields of neuroscience, psychology and coaching show that how we see the world around us affects the questions we ask. I suggest that the questions we ask change how we see the world.
The quest for answers – especially the “right” ones – narrows our focus. When we jump to respond or offer an opinion, we tell others, “I know something you don’t know; let me enlighten you…”
Even “Why?” – when posed with an open mind – says, “I am interested in you and what you have to say…tell me more, show me what you care about.”
When in doubt, wonder. Got the urge to offer advice or impress someone with what you know? Take a deep breath then ask a question.
Why? Because questions are full of surprise. Go ahead, ask a question. Let yourself be amazed at what you still have left to learn.
